As my light failed to shine
Accusing me of a heinous crime
On things that meant not a single dime
Guilty of having wasted time

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Night Vision

We were merely two wolves
Carrying embankments in our howling chests
Falling for our moons, in reflections of disturbed ponds
Acquaintances we were, of parallel woods
Not much thought spared
Other than the occasional, the customary
We were merely two wolves
Streaking through the wilderness
Within and without
Barely touching borders
Barely touching
Each other
And now nights roll out, carpets of moss to tread on
I hear you, I hear us
Soft padded thuds, footsteps or simply what we feel?
We howl, not echoing each other
For we let out the sorrows clawing our subdued eyes
Can I rest my tired head against your shoulder?
Guarding these walls has drained me
The reminders ache in the form of thorns embedded
Underfoot
Trespasser
Can I rest my head against yours?
It’s a quiet place of peace
Where our borders merge
A silent breathing space of no-meaning
Yet as we breathe us in, I wonder
When did darkness become a silhouette
Of warmth?

Names Ache, Namesake

 

Imagine a fragment of the universe
The layout of galaxies flickering
In the blackness
Swirling, spiralling, in and out of each other

Pulse. Flicker. Pulse.
Here, horizons don’t exist
But we do
Hypnotic
We share more than a name
This must be what it’s like to, just, be
We have encircled each other for far too long

Two clouds of mist, shapeless, formless
Merging, emerging
Conversations, not interacting
Just upending
The contents of these bodies and minds
Of celestial matter they say we are
‘Mass’
Yes, mass, that must be it

The mutual heaviness, the synchronized unloading
Do you feel this
I’d place your gentle hand over my heart
If you were here
Yet we can feel the tides and maelstroms
Raging in us in response
To each other
Do you think the pianists of old could compose a masterpiece so simple?
I doubt.
But it’s us and I love it
I love the sense of echoing quiet when we converse
In abstract fragments but both know
The picture by heart
A picture with a feeling
Of ripples in rivers surging within
Laps of soothing melody
Has it been said before? Sometimes names are magic
I like this feeling, we should talk more often
What are you? Fuck. You’re magic.
Life doesn’t seem so scrambled like eggs right now
Or like constellations dispersed throughout dark ceilings
Flicker. Pulse. Flicker.
Back to stars and galaxies
Things my puny existence does not understand
We should leave science to the scientists and astronauts
And the understanding of us to our explorations
Swirling, spiralling in and out of each other

Namesake.
Names… ache.
We ache together
We wonder, we find
To our explorations
From sloppy kisses to our analogies
Of the fullness and lack of meaning
In the fragile moments of lip-lock stillness
The void they’re invitations to

“Come meet me at the edge and let’s fall together”

We express. We echo.

And so we ache under the burning light of nights
And days, a shadow choreography
Of flickering tangerine

We can dig graves
And our hearts
Be grave robbers
There’s always something to take
From the dead
So we sigh and speak lyrical
We are paintings of our cubist selves
We’re the same picture
Cubism is what it has been
You and I
Identical, cubed, differently arranged
Pulse. Flicker. Pulse.
Namesake,
I love you.

Goodbye

I never let you go
I waited for the possibility of an ‘us’ to erase itself
I never pursued you
I indulged in the thought of loving you
Without wanting to be loved back
Now there’s someone where I could’ve been
I didn’t let you go
I waited for the possibility of an ‘us’ to erase itself
Now there’s an empty space where you have been
For a quarter of a decade
It’s empty but not the absent and something-is-missing kind
It’s space that feels empty but like it could be filled
With some nice
Nice is a nice word to begin with
Goodbye
It was nice loving you

Curling Flames

Hallways warm with curling flames
Licking the wind upward
Newborn dreams
We’ve been veterans in these riots of anticipations
Architects of entire cities built with pages of planners
Months, years, decades laid out
The manicured terraces that didn’t bear fruit
These hallways reek of petrichor, the human kind
Soft earth of young hearts damp with showers of knowledge
Fountain of youth, was always probably the newborn dreams
Still locked in place with these bone-aching hopes
Immortalized in these moments, unscathed
It showers me with a renewed vigour
A drizzle where torrential beasts spawned curling flames into wildfires
Is it possible, the afterlife after being defeated
Outstretching its bandaged arms towards me?
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps
There is more to being alive than being a clockwork veteran
Homeward bound now to a wasteland of ash and carrion trees
To start again a wildfire but of cosmic proportions
Once these curling leaves have raged into roaring beasts again

Phantom Pirate

The cavity in my chest is too familiar an ache
If hollows were literal
I would reach into the darkness
Let it seize my wrist with an invitation
To the realms I carry within
The dark worlds and the standby worlds
Swirling and heaving
Tendrils of my thoughts
Sucking the vicinity, my surroundings, into itself
It feels so pretentious and repetitive
Like these bones, this blood, these organs doing their thing
Have all memorized the routes of emotions I sail through
As if there are no new maps
No new ships with glorious sails snapping in the wind
No new pirate to mould myself into
And pillage through new lands and territories
The gaping abyss sighs, rhythmic booms echoing through my lonesome corridors of thought
Imaginary rapiers and daggers clanging at my hip
I pick a pinch of the swirling darkness from my chest
Setting the wisp on an eye I gasp at the action
Perhaps this is the price to pay
For new worlds and naval corridors to sail through
Perhaps, if I do not stop seeing what I was made to see
I’ll never find what I wish to find
The wisdom I’ve acquired may expire or sink
An eye patched for a vision
The hull spelling my name will tear through this chest, this abyss
Through my entire being if it must
It must taste the wind waiting to guide its bulk through unknown waters
It must groan under my reckless, starving captainship
It must stay alive
It must sail and strive
Through storms and wreckage
Through nights without lighthouses
It must come face to face with sunken legends of old
And crash through waves writhing and writing lores of its own

Dally

Don’t let thoughts of letting go,

Molest your peace of mind.

Don’t let death seduce you into its outstretched arms.

If you wish to consort with pain,

Do so by dreaming dreams that can break,

But also allow you the pleasure of rebuilding.

Let the ‘p’ that tantalizes your overthinking,

Be of possibilities and not problems.

Don’t scoff at the prospect of befriending hope.

All it ever wanted was to be of help,

When whorls of addictive sleepless thinking abused you,

Substantially bullying you into seeking sanctuary,

Under the deceptive security blades could offer.

The warmth you yearn was never externally present,

It has always been internally accessible.

Intangible but susceptible to your needs.

A light you’ve carried by subconsciously disguising it,

As worthlessness and a self-deprecating opinion,

Of your true worth that is a hundredfold,

Brighter a flame than your self-immolation.

You say it’s all clichéd and unconvincing,

But undecorated truths are always preferable,

To court with all their nobility than ornamented lies,

That caress your sense of reality and perception.

For once dally with pain that accompanies,

The rebuilding of your structure at the hands,

Of your own novice architecture.

Let the uncertainty be a guide pushing you towards,

The untried pursuits of happiness,

You do not believe to exist outside of imagination.

But if you want to believe anything,

Know that you are the candidate most deserving,

Of your friendship and kindness,

That you are unwilling to bestow upon yourself.

Leaking

I’m bent over the edge

My spirit is leaking out

Dribbling down this stony

Bench of respite

Collecting into a contorted puddle

Of human emotions

The bottled screams now liquefied

Pour out my nerve endings

Breaths I try to beat out of myself

Barely escape my exhausted windpipe

Bleary, beaten, just a human shaped pulp

Looking for believable horizons

Not mirages conjured in desperation

This surely isn’t the true definition of

Pouring my heart out

But it’s one literal, lateral, sprawling way

To do so as I prepare myself

To wake up from this waking

Leaking

Dream