Part of her

I’m like her
You’re like her
You look… Like her
They say 
They coo 
Am I 
Am I
I stretch my face
Tug it this way and that
Where’s the resemblance 
I can’t see it
But it’s there
Genetics of course
Bipolar
Schizo 
Shhhhhh
Not so loud
They’ll hear you
They don’t know
They don’t know
Her truth
Your truth
My… My truth 
Schizo
Question mark
All they see
Are physical reflections
Features passed down
A generation but
Is that all I got
From her
Or is there more
Silently brewing 
In my veins 
Waiting to manifest 
Its ugliness
My mind is crippling 
Seeing her deteriorate
I burn in the shadows 
Her suffering casts
To have been subjected to
Neglect and indifference 
Was better I suppose 
Because how
Will I continue
If my DNA shows
Its dark side 
How will I cope 
After having seen 
The prolonged storms
All these years 
I am after all
A part of her
She was my world 
Till my world crumbled
Into a pile of schizo
I was a part of her
I am… A part of her
And I am afraid 
Have been suppressing this fear 
For years past
That I am afraid 
To discover 
Which parts of her
Consist of the part
I am of her
Strip me of my identity 
Take away the years 
Even from the beginning 
I’ve only been 
A part 
Of hers

Advertisements

Recurring

Clouds behind my eyes 
Everything’s muddled 
In scraps
And puzzle pieces 
I’m being sucked
Into this black hole
Uncorked by events 
And nuances untraceable
A slight pulsating of beats
In my center 
A core I no longer 
Identify with 
How clichéd to claim 
I have lost my ways 
How clichéd to try
To find 
What cannot be retrieved 
Swirls of thoughts 
Disconcerting and disconnected
Waves of winds with me
In the eye 
So clouded my vision
How futile these tries
The faint beating 
And the anger quietening
Both reducing 
To faint hums 
To wake up 
In another time 
In another winter 
A year or years later 
For the same different reasons 
For the same different people 
Like patterns 
Are shadows to my shadow self
Fleeting and recurring
Oh the sad tales
These recurrences bring
Lessons of trust 
Lessons I must 
Not forget 
But I do in the flow
Tides of emotions promise 
And I in all my mistrust 
Of grand words
Like fancy ships 
That can only sink
And I don’t want to drown 
Not again 
Not again and again 
I wish 
The haziness over my vision 
Could close shut these whisperings
Nonsensical and broken 
Everything once again 
Is in scraps and puzzle pieces
I sway to the wind’s 
Wayward motions
Wayward wayward 
Wayward motions 
This is just another recurrence
Of a state that repeats itself 
Every now and then 
Unpredictable of how and when
Everything feels broken 
And incomple–